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rockstardom17
Reviews
John Dies at the End (2012)
Starts strong, ends weak.
I was very intrigued at the beginning, and it was interesting and kind of quirky, but at about the half-way point it starts to take a shark turn-see what I did there?
The end is just super cheesy and weird and ... well, stupid!
Some of the scenes were so poorly done with CGI that it takes you out of the moment(s) and the immersion is completely wiped.
I think if they had focused more on developing the story and less in low-budget graphics it could have been much more successful.
I highly doubt I'd watch a part 2.
I'd say if you're very bored and have nothing else to watch, go for it. Otherwise, keep clicking.
Paranormal Caught on Camera (2019)
The talking heads ruin the show
The stupid commentators don't know what the hell they're talking about; that Susan Slaughter character is a dummy. At one point, she claimed that demonic scratches were not scratches but "portals opening up on your body where spirits come through to communicate." WHAT??
Other than that, most of these clips are clearly fake, they're not vetting these at all. The ones that are real aren't that great. I find way better videos on YouTube with Tubers like Slapped Ham and That's Impossible Channel.
But by far the most annoying thing is the constant interruption of these so-called "experts" giving their two cents, which is totally pointless. They must think the populous at large is basically moronic. I know more about ghosts and aliens than all of them combined.
Dumb show.
Moonfall (2022)
Cliches should be the name of the movie.
Terrible acting, cliche relationships built on outdated stereotypical tropes, unbelievable situations, cheesy dialogue. Ugh. I have lost all faith in anything Hollywood produces. It's all crap.
The Manor (2021)
Terrible. I officially give up on movies.
It started out interesting-sort of-but started to lose logic and believability. The end was so stupid. I won't spoil it here (not that there's much to spoil), but I can maybe spare you from wasting 1.5 hours of your life.
Don't watch this garbage.
Old (2021)
It would take an enormous amount of effort to make a movie this bad.
Seriously, I would have to try VERY hard to make a movie this bad. Maybe he deserves some kind of award for that alone.
We watched til the end because my wife and I laughed the whole way through. I'm sure this wasn't M's intention, but it was one of those amazing slow-motion train wrecks you just can't look away from--we needed to see it through.
I don't know if M. Knight considers himself some sort of rogue genius, or mad scientist, or perhaps an amalgamation of the two, but whatever it is that he once had is completely gone. This will go down as maybe the worst film I've ever seen.
This hit the trifecta of what makes a bad movie bad.
Acting--TERRIBLE.
Writing--HORRID.
Cinematography--THE WORST
This movie didn't even make any sense, like ... at all. There were so many holes and things that never got explained. The acting was just so so bad. That black dude, in the beginning, had us cracking up ... just always looking lost and passionlessly saying, 'damn.'
As far as holes ... for instance, it constantly seems as if the people on the island are aging at vastly different rates, the timing is completely off and it never attempts to explain this. When some people die they leave behind bones, but for some reason, the baby that was born on the island is somehow cremated and turns to ashes ... WHAT? HOW? WHY? Those are some of the questions M. Should have asked himself the entire way through the movie-producing process.
There is a tiresome sense of randomness and incompleteness at every turn. The camera work was so annoying, I think M. Thinks he's being quite clever with all the spinning camera scenes and uncut scenarios, but it doesn't make any sense and certainly doesn't add anything to the movie. Only a narcissist could have produced this movie.
Near the end there is also this coral scene where they're swimming through a tunnel and the sister gets caught on some coral, then there's some weird black line that comes down the coral and then we cut to them outside floating in the water. Again, the movie never tries to explain what that was, why it mattered, or what its purpose was, this type of thing plays out again and again during the course of the movie. It was so cheesy and poorly executed that I need a brain scrub or a lobotomy after this.
If you need a good laugh, this is for you. If you're expecting some groundbreaking piece of cinema with a new twist, look elsewhere. Yikes.
Karen (2021)
We watched it only for the laughs.
Just horrible I have never seen so many cliches, stereotypes, and bad acting and bad writing in one script. Yikes!
I can't believe someone made this.
Cruella (2021)
Contrived; boring; predictable!! The end!!
It's cheesy and so predictable, especially if you know anything about "The Devil Wears Prada."
The characters are poorly developed and their personalities are soooo cliche.
What a dumb story-I don't know who the people are that give this a 10 of 10, but they should do actual jail time. It was just awful.
The Secret of Skinwalker Ranch (2020)
Had high hopes. Dragon ruined it.
Really? You go by dragon? What a nerd.
The premise is great-what's not to love: look for aliens, ghosts, and demons oh my. But you quickly discover that they almost never find anything, and they constantly give up on things they were researching the day before (hello, where'd the water go?)
My main gripe, however, is how stupid it is that the owner of the ranch involves the head of security in the research when he obviously has no background in science. I mean what the actual F? Since when does security get to chime in about anything else but ... um, security??. And he's super annoying with a chip on his shoulder to boot.
Another dumb thing is that no one seems to be in charge. Travis, who seems like he's supposed to be in charge, doesn't seem to have any authority and is constantly being thwarted by Dragon, who should have no authority over scientific discovery. Whatever producer thought it was a good idea to have this idiot as a main player on the show needs to be fired.
I'm over it.
The Vanished (2020)
SOOOO CHEESY!!
I like Thomas Jane, but the acting was beyond terrible. So dumb and not even remotely believable.
The Ice Road (2021)
DID EVERYONE JUST GIVE UP??
What in the actual ****?? Dude, I have nieces and nephews that can craft better stories. I guess I can't be too disappointed, oh wait ... yes, I can.
You see Liam Neesom as the top-billed actor and think, 'he's a decent actor, this might be alright.'
It's not. Go God's sake. Put some ever-loving effort into writing and producing. I am a writer and I would be hard-pressed to come up with something this bad even if I was coming off of a 3 day hangover, which I am, which makes this mess somehow even less tolerable.
Is there a character limit for reviews? Because I could go on for a few hours just spewing my disagreeable response to this garbage.
I got Netflix again because the comedy show, 'I Think You Should Leave,' is coming out with season 2. And I will only get Netflix on the-and I can't emphasize this enough-RARE occasion something worthy comes out. There is no exception here. This kind of BS is an insult to our intelligence; and trust me, they think we're all stupid and bereft of the faculties of paying attention.
If you have brain or an I. Q. Above 75, this hack job of a film should promote within you a desire to regurgitate your lunch.
Hard (that's what she said) PASS!!
Greenland (2020)
BORINGGGG!!!!
Started out good-then it just turned into a cat and mouse game that wasn't all that believable. Where's all the excitement?
Personally, I wanted to see the movie keep on track with the family escaping to the bunkers and build it off of that.
But instead the wife and husband end up trying to find each other FOREVER-like half the boring movie. The b actors that make up all the sappy in-between stuff is very lackluster.
If the story was better maybe I wouldn't need excitement, but the story is flat and dull.
Hollywood fails once again. Big surprise.
Hillbilly Elegy (2020)
Don't listen to the detached liberal critics who lack a soul
Some of the reviews coming from critics are astonishingly poorly written and full of typos and grammatical flaws. They are so detached-this just further shows the vast divide between the liberalist agenda to basically take the fun and sincerity out of everything. This story was amazing. A true story, which always makes the best films. The fact that the majority of critic reviews are the polar opposite of normal folks just goes to show you that these so-called 'critics' have a tenuous grasp on the heartbeat of American life.
These elitist 'critics' don't have a clue what it is like to grow up like this-I do. I lost my mother and aunt to addiction; this story really hit close to home for me and I found myself empathizing with all of the EXTREMELY well portrayed roles.
Well worth a watch.
Exodus: Gods and Kings (2014)
Um. You forgot the biggest scene in the Bible
What happened to the Red Sea parting. That is like the most important and cinematic scene in this biblical story and you didn't even address it. What a rip off!
I've never seen a worse biblical movie-well, maybe Noah with Russel Crowe was worse... but still. Ugh. Terrible.
Bob Lazar: Area 51 & Flying Saucers (2018)
If I have to listen to Mickey Roarke talk about deep things one more time!!!
Who thought it was a good idea to get the bumbling Mickey Route to do poetic segways throughout-it ads nothing and is highly distracting. You don't need it at all.
That being said, there were some interesting things, but not enough to wow me. Same old stuff rehashed-no new revelations of any kind.
Sigh; if only they knew that these aliens were demonic and not from some other planet.
UFO (2018)
It's like... who cares?
I love suspense and movies that don't go over the top, but this movie went way way under the top.
Less math equations and more story please. They are trying to make me care about math, and I don't and they can't make me.
This could have been a lot better had they done their own math and removed about 70% of the scenes of him talking to people (who don't seem to care either) about stupid numbers and formulas and replace it with some good old fashioned story enhancing suspense.
Speaking of suspense, there is none. You just follow a nihilistic teen with mild Asperger's around while he tries to convince his two friends that the airport folk lied to him-so what?
Speaking of his friends; that seems off too. This nerdy guy somehow has a hot chick that's into him and a best friend who doesn't seem to ever understand what he's talking about. Perhaps the best friend is a metaphor for the audience of this movie who are just as bewildered by the math-talk and the hot chick is an attempt to add at least something nice to look at in this film to pull you out of that yawn you're in the middle of. Who knows?!
What I do know, is that, while there were notes of keys played to a symphony that could have been, it left out the major parts to the song that makes a suspense story good, chief among them, suspense itself.
Lost in Space (2018)
The only saving grace is the cinematography.
The writing is not good. Very forced plots. And somehow this ultra futuristic robot just does whatever Will Robinson says after he cuts him down out of a tree (I'm not even going to get into that mess of a scene).
Will-
"Lift up your right arm, okay, okay, now your left arm"
I'm asking myself 'why?' And... who gives a '#%+} about this scene-it does not add to the narrative but rather makes it super cheesy.
I think this may have been written by sixth graders; lbeit, smart sixth graders. I take that back, average sixth graders.
It doesn't make any sense. Just more proof that Hollywood has lost the power to create good cinema.
Ugh. I could write a script ten times better. Hire me Hollywood, for an exorbitant amount of money, and I promise I will make something better.
I got a out 1.5 eps in and just couldn't take the acting or story any longer. There's nothing good anymore, which is why I've given more and more of my slotted entertainment time to conspiracy videos on YouTube.
I'd rather watch water boil or snails cross a sidewalk lengthwise than muddle through another second of this drivel.