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Road House (2024)
Let the cobbler stick to his last.
This is a typical case of casting gone horribly wrong. Conor McGregor is so over the top, he turned the remake into a parody. His dialogue is ridiculous and at times inaudable.
I have to admit that in general I'm not too fond of remakes, which are almost always unnecessary, as is the case with 'Roadhouse'. I loved Swayze in the original and have to say Gyllenhaal didn't do a bad job either. But one actor can't save a movie.
I really hope Conor sticks to fighting and waves Hollywood goodbye. He plays a thug called Knox, but they should have just made him play himself: a coked out of his mind meathead. It would have made for a better story if both Jake and Conor played UFC fighters who hit rock bottom.
The best acting was done during the interviews, where Jake acted like he didn't realize Conor was high as a kite. Twitching all over the place.
The Gift (2015)
Good, but one flaw kept me from really enjoying it fully.
I am going to start with the thing that bothered me. I was hoping to find a review of someone who had the same issue with the movie but didn't have any luck. Why on earth, didn't Simon and Robin ask themselves how on earth Gordo could get into their house to deliver those koi fish??? They were constantly talking about it being creepy that he was there, bringing gifts while they weren't home. But they just didn't speak about how it was possible for him to do those things. They didn't check for signs of breaking and entering, they didn't ask the neighbours, didn't check for missing keys. At the end it is revealed that he had a spare key, and suddenly Simon acts surprised. I think that is a major flaw. The rest of the movie is quite enjoyable and Edgerton is really good, as usual. I would have probably given the movie a 9 if it wasn't for that obvious flaw.
Scream VI (2023)
Extremely predictable
Watched Scream VI last night, and after Quin supposedly dropped dead after being knived by.ghostface. I knew it was her with her father who were the killers. And I also had my suspicion virgin boy would be in on it. It was so clear. The cop's son was killed off in a previous movie. And him and his daughter Quinn want vengeance. They show the first three murders explicitly, but with Quinn they just show her falling body. In movies that try to deceive you, that should be alarm bells all over the place. This type of movie has been done before and much better. I liked Scream 1, they should have just called it quits after that. And one more thing, although the movie is predictable, I didn't predict the way Courtney Cox would look. I was in shock. Typical Hollywood face, completely ruined. That was the scariest part of the movie for me.
Better Call Saul: Axe and Grind (2022)
It's becoming a grind, as the title implied.
We're all BCS fans, but let's be real here. The previous two episodes should
have been one. If you'd missed them, what wouldn't you have known?
That Lalo is in Germany, looking for answers to what Gus is building.
Kim looks at a card from the vacuum cleaner repair guy, suggesting she is going to have to disappear at some point. Their great scheme is still in working progress, but because we know so little about their scheme, it just doesn't get you on the edge of your seat.
Let's be honest here, the last two episodes combined are 90 minutes long, and I could sum up what happened in 2 minutes. This is taking slow-burn to a whole new level. Losing a bit of intrest to be honest. And I think I am not alone.
Guns Akimbo (2019)
Harry Potter goes mental
The boy who lived gave up his sourcery to become a video game developer. He dumped his girlfriend and friends. Especially Hermione, cuz she turned into a hooker who gives oral pleasures to rockstars and completely forgot her humble beginnings.
What I try to say. As much as Daniel tries, he's still Harry Potter. His acting just isn't there to let you forget he was Harry. The movie tries to be a bit like Crank but don't waste your time. It is total garbage. I already spend two minutes typing this. Which is way more attention than this movie deserves. But if I can stop one person from looking this piece of cowdown, it was worth it. Please avoid.
Spider-Man: Far from Home (2019)
Flawed but still quite a fun ride.
Enjoyable action flick with some witty moments and fun actions scenes. Although I get upset when I think about how a movie with a huge budget can be flawed and that those flaws are overlooked. Don't they watch the movie before it hits the theatre?
The flaws that bothered me the most were the fact that when Peter puts on his EDITH glasses, he can read all the info there is about the person he's looking at. But when he puts in on and looks at Beck, EDITH fails to mention that he was a former STARK employee and therefore not from an alternate universe.
A smaller flaw is when Peter is in Jail in the Netherlands. He is surrounded by real Dutch actors who first great him in Dutch and who talk about a pregnancy in Dutch. But when Peter breaks the lock and the Dutch prison guard hears it. He yells: "Are you guys okay?"to his fellow countrymen instead of saying it in Dutch. I know it is a small flaw but why they don't spot this is beyond me.
Nonetheless, it's still an enjoyable movie.
The Avengers (2012)
Tour de farce
I heard people call The avengers a tour de force, a perfect box-office bonanza, the wickedest ride of their lives and best movie ever! I can only assume that every single one of them is a comic book freak and are all obsessed by every Marvel hero and villain. I can tell you I'm a movie buff but I'm not a comic book freak. In my opinion that shouldn't matter because dark knight for instance, is one of my favorite movies of all time. I know it's not from Marvel but DC comics but I also liked the first iron man movie (he turned into a narcissistic bastard after the first and I didn't like that character development) So I'm not gonna write a movie off just because I'm not a huge Marvel fan.
But after 2 1/2 hours of sitting through the deluge of explosions, "witty" banter, and generic story-telling. I was happy the movie ended, all around me there were people applauding and telling each other what an awesome movie they just saw. My plan was just to go home and put on a real movie. With plot twists and character development, both things I missed in the avengers. You could say it's fast paced but if the story doesn't grab you by the balls, it's all irrelevant. The only thing the movie had going for itself was that it was hilarious, too bad it didn't mean to be.
I knew after five minutes that the movie wasn't going to live up to the hype. And it was only downhill from there to be honest. The last sequence was the worst in my book. The alien invasion was so stupid, we were all wondering what was going to come through the black hole. And what came to wipe out all of humanity? A few hundred Chitauri, wow... is that an invasion? Six avengers got their stuff together and mobbed the floor with them. That was a huge anti-climax!
I think this movie is very overrated and only worth a view if you're tired and want some brainless 'entertainment', other than that it really is only for the comic book geeks. And maybe teenagers who've been brainwashed with years of Asian (fighting) cartoons. Oh yeah, the movie I watched when I got home was snatch!
Quiz Me Quick (2012)
Up there with the best
Being Belgian I can honestly tell you I'm not prejudiced. In fact I've never really liked a Belgian production. Not even the over-hyped and overrated Belgian movie 'bullhead' which was nominated for an Oscar of best foreign film. But finally we've got a TV-show that's very well written, intriguing, intellectually stimulating, very well paced and as a result of all that never, ever boring.
Writer and director Bart de Pauw delivered a masterpiece. He can be as proud as his last name. Pauw is the dutch word for peacock. Bart showed talent at a very young age writing for an 80's youth series: 'meester, hij begint weer.' meaning Hey teacher, he started it (again). And with the stuff he wrote which they didn't use for the show, he created another show in his early twenties, called: buiten de zone (outside the zone/area). It was a massive success. Then followed some great shows like schalkse ruiters and men on the edge of... , but in recent years he made some flops as well. And it was pretty quiet around his character in the last couple of years. But he's back with a vengeance. First with a very well written movie script 'loft', and now with IMO the best Belgian TV-series of all time which can compete with about any foreign series out there. And I've seen them all, to give you a quick few names of very good TV-series IMO: dexter, house Md, breaking bad, the sopranos,... and for comedy: fawlty towers, blackadder, seinfeld, curb your enthusiasm, the office UK,...
The only thing stopping this from being an international hit, is that the story is about a typical Flemish tradition: playing quizzes in small, local parish halls. I don't even know if they do that in other countries but here it's quite popular. It's about a quiz team called: table seven who meet by accident in a pub where a quiz is going on. Because there is no place left in the pub, they have to sit next to each other and after a while the young protagonist, named nick, starts filling in forms because he hears his neighbors answering the questions. One knows everything about music, his name is Lennon, he's an orphan and they named him Lennon because he was born the day that lennon was shot and killed. Another customer at the bar who sits opposite Nick seems to know almost everything, he's there to fill in some taxes for his nephew, who owns the bar. But in between filling in the tax paperwork he mumbles every answer. So Nick starts writing down the answers and that's the start of a wonderful journey about friendship, loyalty, devotion and so much more. This really is a must watch series!!!!
Stuey (2003)
A slap in the face to every poker enthusiast
First off I want to apologize in advance for my English. Hope you all get what I'm trying to say. As a longtime (amateur) poker player I've been reading and watching every book or film coming out with poker in it. I myself play mostly plo cuz I don't cope so well with the swings in nlhe. What can I say, I'm no Archie Karas.
Now about Stuey, Stu Ungar was and will always be an icon in the poker world. Everyone who doesn't gamble think that's what the gambling world is all about, making money then spending it on sex, drugs and rock'n roll. Well Stu was such a larger than life character. His brilliant mind needed more than just the thrills of playing cards to stay satisfied, he started taking cocaine NOT so he could be able to play longer sessions (players took metamfetamine for that) but to numb his brain after days of intense playing. The intensity that Stu Ungar had in everything he did or said, his table presence that was felt everywhere he sat was never brought to the screen.
If you make a movie about a poker icon you don't wanna try to make it for everyone to watch, cuz then it's turning out to be more of an educational video than something else. It should be for the fans and this wasn't!! The casting was terrible 2, Stu Ungar snorted away his nose after two decades of drug abuse and they cast Michael Imperioli to play him. Michael probably has the largest nose of any actor in the business!! Michael Jackson probably would have made a more convincing Ungar than this.
Conclusion: this movie is NOT for poker players but for people who never heard about Stu Ungar or Texas hold em. It isn't fast paced like Stu Ungar's life was and turned Stu into a dull, boring alter ego of himself, Stu wouldn't have liked it!
The Spirit (2008)
Was it Sin city? hell no...was it crap? Hell yeah
I still haven't figured out what this movie wants to be; a comedy, a parody, I really don't know. I guess the movie takes itself very serious. I know it tried to create the same dark, moody atmosphere as in Sin City but failed horribly. Such pain, such suffering was a line in the first ten minutes of the movie and i already agreed with that. And I realized the suffering would last for more than an hour and a half. The octopus and the spirit like fighting and shooting at each other but what's the use? They simply can't die. And what's with the whispering voice of the spirit, he tries to be serious with every word he says even when there's nothing serious about some scenes. It was terrible acting throughout the entire movie from everyone. The line that annoyed me most was: Silken Flos is the most beautiful woman in the world, and the fact that he keeps repeating it. Man I wanted to leave the theater at that time. Come on Silken Flos? I've never been a big fan of scarlet and never found her good-looking or sexy but in this movie she's uglier than she ever was before. She looks a bit like a transvestite in this movie i guess, I've always thought she had a masculin face and now i figured out it's her nose that bothers me the most. And she already underwent surgery for that twice so you don't have to ask what it looked like before, horrible. The nostrils are down like a dog. But enough about Scarlett. The funniest part about the movie is a lot of characters talk to themselves and think out loud, if the movie wasn't so strangely filmed than I probably would have thought I was watching an episode of "the days of our lives". Really hilarious.
Mr. Miller, I haven't lost faith in you. I Absolutely loved Sin City, it's in my top ten of all time favorite movies. 300 was also visually stunning and truly entertaining. But you'll lose all credibility if you keep going on this road. I bet you focused mainly on the filming but even stunning visuals can't save a lousy script. You botched this job but I hope you can redeem yourself in the future.
The Way of War (2009)
Those dialogues go on and on and on...
Man is this a bad movie. Not even Cuba could save this one. I felt the urge of walking away from it but I kept on watching to see how this epic fail of a movie would end. And i must say, it ended like it started: crappy! And what about those cheap, laim flashbacks, can someone tell me wtf John Carter and Scott Schafe were thinking? I just can't believe a great actor like Cuba Gooding Jr. wanted to be in this movie after he read the screenplay. Did you have money problems Cuba? I can't even pretend to understand what i just watched, what's the point of this movie? War is bad? If you don't know that you're a terrorist. Stay away from this one!!! People who like this movie have absolutely no taste in movies. I wasted an hour and a half of my life watching it, and another ten minutes reviewing it. That's way more attention than it deserves, but if my review can convince just one person in NOT seeing this movie. It was all worth it!
Dogville (2003)
When I go to the movies I expect to see a darn movie!
When this piece of cowdown started I already knew it wasn't going to be my cup of tea but I decided to give it a chance anyway. Which is pretty unusual for my standards because I walked out of dozens of films. I thought it was utter madness but on the other hand you have different fingers. that's how mad the movie was. In my opinion you're never to old to learn something stupid but for this I'm way to old. And I can't get the movie out of my mind. It's like eating old french cheese, the bad taste lasts for about a year. That's the sensation i get with this lousy excuse for a movie. If it was live theater I would have been trowing beer at the actors and if there was a farm nearby probably also a few rotten tomatoes or eggs. In my opinion 'dogville' deserves a place in the bottom 100 list, somewhere between disaster movie and Simon Sez. But that's just my opinion. And you know what they say about opinions, they're like cornholios...everybody's got one and they're often full of droppings.
Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
won 8 Oscars , should have been 8 razzies
Not one single moment the movie could grasp my attention. The only thing that was keeping me busy true this ordeal were the ears of Jamal, and the fact that a guy as ugly as him could never ever find a girl in real life unless he pays for them. Now, back to the ears, they are bloody annoying, aren't they, maybe even more than this crappy movie. The only reason i gave this movie a three out of ten is because of the Indian scenery, because the movie was so poor i could spend my time sightseeing. There were a lot of kerala style houses which are true masterpieces, to bad we don't see them in Western-Europe. Bye bye Jamal Malik, you made me sick.
Disaster Movie (2008)
Way worse than Simon Sez
Before seeing this movie i was convinced no movie could ever be more awful than Simon Sez (dennis rodman). But disaster movie lives up to its name and claims first position in my bottom 100 list. People who rate this movie above 4 out of 10 should be taken to a mental hospital immediately for a lobotomy. The script seems to be written by a 12 year old with a very disturbed brain. The only spoof targets should be the actors and the directors themselves, making fun of other movies and creating the worst movie ever made in the process is quite painful. Friedberg and Seltzer, shame on you. Trowing garbage like that into the world. Unbelievable that the movies you made open close to number one at the box office. Making movies for very dumb people or horny teens isn't that hard to do i guess, trow in the occasional boob or fart and they're satisfied...