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Reviews
Hard Broken (2023)
A Cinematic Masterpiece for the Ages!
Oh, where do I even begin with this absolutely outstanding cinematic experience? I must say, I have never seen a movie quite like this one. It's truly a once-in-a-lifetime, mind-boggling masterpiece that I will cherish forever... or at least until I forget I ever wasted my time on it.
The plot, if you can call it that, is an absolute tour de force in originality. I mean, who needs a coherent storyline when you can have a jumbled mess of random events that make absolutely no sense? It's like a puzzle, and I love puzzles, so I guess that's a win?
The characters, oh my goodness! They were so perfectly one-dimensional, I could practically see right through them. I mean, why bother with character development when you can just throw some cardboard cutouts on the screen and call it a day? Truly a bold artistic choice.
And let's not forget the dialogue. It's like the writers took inspiration from the ramblings of a sleep-deprived toddler. I couldn't help but be amazed at how every line seemed to have been plucked from the depths of a word salad generator. Bravo! Truly, I have never heard such profound gibberish in my life.
The special effects... well, they were certainly special. I've seen better effects in a high school play, but there's something endearing about watching a movie that looks like it was made on a budget of three dollars and a bag of potato chips. It's almost charming, really.
And the music! Ah, the music. It was so forgettable that I can't even remember it. But I'm sure it added a certain... something to the movie. Probably.
In conclusion, I cannot recommend this cinematic triumph enough. If you enjoy wasting your time, being utterly perplexed, and questioning your life choices, then this movie is an absolute must-see. It's so terrible that it's almost good, if you squint really hard and suspend all critical judgment. Bravo, filmmakers, bravo!
Ozark: A Hard Way to Go (2022)
WTF!
That's the only word that comes to mind, WTF! For a show that was so well written and executed, from season 1 up until episode 7 of season 4 (First part of the final season), to go so downhill for the ENTIRETY of the 2nd part is just beyond me. Were the writers replaced by a flock of aluminum toasters?
This abomination of a 2nd part to the final season (episodes 8 through 14) completely ruined the entire show for me. It was incoherent, so out of character, and very out of place. Dumb, unbelievable actions taken by everyone who we've come to know so well. I just oof just wtf, so baaaad. And that ending, oh man, so many unanswered questions.