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Reviews
Unknown Caller (2014)
Easily, far and away, the absolute worst movie, ever made.
Awful is putting it politely. The worst acting, the worst directing the worst actors, the worst script, the worst special effects, the worst sound dubbing, the worst lighting, the worst make up. If there was an award for the worst of everything this movie would win in all categories. From start to finish, the entire movie doesn't make sense. A guy who works for an organization that does fracking in Oregon is being threatened by some unknown computer hacker guy on the other end of a cellphone, who turns out to be some dude he was mean to in high school? Who then kidnaps his daughter and dies at the end, because somehow the seemingly inescapable house is escaped by his friend and his estranged wife and kills the guy in an unexplained plot twist? Its like the whole movie is a big middle finger to the industry. As if to say "Look how badly we can waste your money!" This "film" shouldn't be watched by anyone and the director should kill himself.
The Captive (2014)
Impressively Bad
Throughout the movie, I kept thinking..."something please happen". All of the pieces were there, good actors, good director, probably a script. And there were so many avenues they could have taken with it. Something with her ice skating friend, something with the mom, something with the cousin that got arrested. But everything about this movie was just so convenient that I wanted to puke.
It starts out with the girl getting taken out of a vehicle and there's no tire tracks, no footprints, nothing for the police to use to corroborate the main character's story. So the main character becomes the police's main suspect instead of looking for anyone else (right). The kidnapper happens to have some work relation to the main detective who just so happened to be kidnapped when she was a girl (but they never really go into that). And the kidnapper is also able to hack into specific computer cameras and setup cameras so he and the kidnap victim can watch everyone (but how or why he does this isn't clear). And he also decides on a whim to let his kidnap victim see her dad after 8 years (potentially screwing up his whole kid molesting operation). The main character brings a truck load of trees to a job, when he's told to hang onto them until the next day and stay at a motel overnight, but the kidnapper just so happens to know where and when the main character is going to be, then steals the trees and uses them like bread crumbs to lead him to his kidnap victim (if it was me, I would have thought my trees were just stolen, not this guy though). When she sees her dad, the kidnap victim conveys in code to go check out her old ice skating partner, just as he does, some random lady that shows up late in the story just so happens to be conducting a bullshit interview with the kid after 8 years on a cellphone to show the kidnapper later (but his and her relationship aren't well defined either except for some hint that she may have also been a kidnap victim earlier in the movie). Then the main character just so happens to steal the phone that she was recording on causing him to be chased (but could have just as easily not done that and let the car drive back to the house where they were keeping his daughter). The entire movie is like this. Crazy unnecessary actions that just so happen to happen, who wrote this nonsense! Its supposed to be deep but just ends up shallow!
Star Trek Continues (2013)
Impressive
A very impressive attempt at recreating the original. What an awesome idea to breathe new life into the ST series. After enterprise pretty much destroyed the franchise (way to go Bakula), it's nice to see people going back to the roots of where it all began.
However when people try to recreate greatness, there's always going to be disappointment if it's not exactly the same. But given the givens they had to work with, this is still very impressive.
That said, acting lessons all around and a couple re-casts wouldn't hurt.
For example, the redhead completely sucks. Easily the worst of the worst. She needs to go, and be replaced with Felicia Day. The guy who plays Bones, a close second in the "who missed the mark most" race, needs to go as well and be replaced with literally any surly old guy, and honestly could they not find an actual Russian actor to do the one line for Chekov, come now?
Marina Siritis was nice little surprise, Doohan was awesome to see carrying on the legacy (seriously, good for you guy), Michael Forest from the original series absolutely crushed it, and Grant as Sulu was so...expected (he kinda looks like an alien already), but still cool. Everyone else has potential, but they left a lot of room for improvement. TOS made a lot of the careers for the actors in it, and if they continue with the new old version, this may do the same.
The story was very Star Trek-eske, cinematography spot on, costumes and special effects were all pretty close.
What made the original a cult classic was the character development, the storyline, and the acting. This round they two out of three right, so not bad.
If you're expecting to see a new version of star trek or an exact copy of the old one, you're going to be disappointed, and also screw you. They did this out of the love for the original series, and they're trying to kick-starter it back into existence, how cool is that?
All in all, solid B-. With a little more funding, a little more acting lessons, it could be really cool.