jeremyturner-30548's Reviews

The Dive (2023)

5/10

14 November 2023

You know how every so often a movie adds superfluous flair to its plot in the hope of roping in subculture types? Remember how the Matrix was all about cyberpunk, or how vanilla sky was rock climbing? Knights of badassdom and heavy metal/LARP? Etc etc.

The Dive is that with scuba. Half the movie is an exercise in rattling off things dive instructors probably talk about on dates. I'm sure that's very interesting, but I don't care about the intricacies of scuba gear so a lot of it flew over my head.

The actual plot of the movie is more simply about 2 people: one trapped underwater and the other trying to save her. It's a weak premise, not too many holes but a bit of drudgery. It's ok, I've seen way worse.

The actresses though... yeesh. The one who plays May is alright, she does stoic reasonably well and gets a few release moments. The actress playing Drew on the other hand, woeful. Her acting is very wooden, particularly at the start. It yanked me out of the story and I could barely focus on anything but her facial movements, tone of voice etc. It did get a bit better - the movie doesn't overall have much dialogue so that was a blessing in disguise.

Linear storyline, fetch quest vibe, so-so acting. Nice visuals though. Sunday afternoon streaming fodder, really.

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The Creator (2023)

3/10

Is it irony if this much CGI can't save a movie about AI?

29 September 2023

So it's the near future and the entire world has been reduced to two factions: the aggressive, atheistic, white American military and the harmoniously diverse, peaceful, spiritual and centred Asia.

Evil white America wants to annihilate AI from the earth. They've cleared America of it and are now doing the same in the rest of the world. Peaceful, noble Asia, on the other hand, has integrated AI with its subsistence farming and Buddishm, and only wants to be left in peace. Asia is one with the technology and hasn't forgotten its roots. America is dependent on its own tech but ultimately scared of it. I'm 14 and this is DEEP.

In the middle of the conflict we find black ex-military American man, dragged rather unwillingly into the war. Thankfully, his big failing is merely selfishness and he is otherwise perfectable on account of his non-whiteness. Joining him is the AI child who is going to guide him on his journey. Unfortunately, some evil white Americans and a multidenominational Asian faction are hot on their heels as they travel around nonspecific Asia. The white Americans want to kill him, but the diverse Asians recognise his perfectability. The movie then plays out as you'd expect.

The Creator had the chance to pose/explore some deep questions about AI and its future (inevitable) integration with society, and instead chose to take a cliche swipe at Pax Americana and culture-less white people. The visuals were good - half the time it looked like someone was battling a droid army from Star Wars - but there's only so much that can distract from the utter waste of screen time that this movie was. It would have made a middling 45min Outer Limits/Twilight Zone/Black Mirror episode, but instead it was drawn out for 2 hours.

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Stargate: Atlantis: Missing (2007)

Season 4, Episode 7

3/10

Boring buddy cop episode

18 September 2023

Stargate Atlantis is a b-grade affair. Each week, the inhabitants of Atlantis venture out to new planets that just so happen to resemble a pine forest somewhere outside Vancouver. While on these new planets, they have adventures that just so happen to resemble those of other 1990s sci-fi TV shows filmed in pine forests just outside Vancouver: Stargate SG-1, the X-Files, the Outer Limits, etc etc. Some weeks the storyline, character development and acting is good enough to overlook how trite the show is. Other weeks it almost hurts to watch. This is one of the hurty episodes.

This one really only exists to give the Dr Keller character some dedicated screen time and development. They contrast her with Teyla for maximum effect - Teyla is bold and resourceful, Keller naive and useless. When everything goes wrong, Keller doesn't cope and Teyla keeps her cool. But this week's problem requires both a strong amazon AND a doctor, so they overcome adversity together - each using her unique skills. Along the way, Keller learns some resilience and Teyla some humility. By the end they have bonded and we're all meant to care a little more about Keller, who is now entrusted with a further piece of the story arc.

Jewel Staite and Rachel Luttrell deserve awards for playing these ridiculously shallow characters with such seriousness. I don't how they kept straight faces.

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The Orville: From Unknown Graves (2022)

Season 3, Episode 7

8/10

A genuinely worthwhile episode

14 July 2022

This was an interpersonal drama episode, fairly low on the sci-fi and even a "Claire's relationships" episode in part, but somehow they made it work. The A-story absolutely knocks it out of the park - it's a little predictable, but that doesn't stop it from still hitting the high notes. The B-story is really just transparent filler, a bit trite and cliche, but it didn't serve enough of a purpose to matter and Bortus' one line made me bark laughing.

Season 3 looked like it was going to be a real clunker at first, but it's really turned around in the last couple of episodes. Hoping it stays this way for the rest of the season.

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The Orville: Shadow Realms (2022)

Season 3, Episode 2

5/10

Better than E01 but very cliche-ridden and predictable

9 June 2022

Warning: Spoilers

The writing was really sloppy in this episode. The first episode of the season was well-written enough, but just not something I wanted to see. This episode at least has a sci-fi plot but the writing is cheap and it's still full of shoehorned-in drama.

**Spoilers start here**

S we find out that the ship's doctor was previously married to another character we'll probably never see again. Then said character is very obviously infected by some alien dust that you know from the second it happens is going to turn him into something. Then the transformation starts and they leave him unrestrained on a bed in the ship's sick bay. At this point I was thinking "oh come on, REALLY?" but there was no surprise twist or anything of the kind - the transformed monster is simply allowed free reign on the ship, disables the computer systems, infects a bunch of other single-episode characters, and all the regular cast members get to fight the creatures rather than just have them instantly spit in their faces and turn them into monsters. Then it turns out you can shoot the monsters and one-shot kill them anyway, and that their immune systems are weak enough they can be war-of-the-worldsed. But look out, the ex-husband is still in there if THE RIGHT PERSON APPEALS TO HIM and the monsters leave, no doubt in a foreshadowing of some future episode/arc/whatever.

I don't mind a predictable plot, but this was beyond that - I understand this show is at its core an homage to TNG, but this episode could have been written by an AI that had been fed a bunch of tropes. And really, knock it off with the doctor's relationships subplots. Her "emotional" acting is annoying, her children are potentially the worst thing on the show, and in the end, if I want to watch relationship dramas there are so many better options.

5/10 though, simply because the potential arc could go either way - but this should have been a first-season episode.

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Steve-O: Gnarly (2020 TV Movie)

5/10

Enjoyable, but a bit too much re-used material

10 August 2021

If you've read Steve-O's book, watched his other videos or followed him on social media for more than a week, you've already seen 95% of Gnarly. The totally new content amounts to about 5 minutes of footage. He brings a few of his mates out, but they generally just come on stage for a hug then disappear. It's not really comedy, either - it's just Steve-O telling stories. He peppers it with little gags, but it's more spoken word than standup.

Not really worth the $10 USD to stream it. You're better off tracking down a copy of Jackass, Wildboyz, or the absolutely all-time masterpiece CAREER ENDER.

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Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (2019)

2/10

Painful to watch

28 February 2021

Kevin Smith's daughter and Jason Mewes made this movie hard to sit through. She's incredibly unattractive and can't act at all, he's had something done to his mouth that lands him in the uncanny valley, and where in the past we've at least been able to overlook his lack of acting skills for the gags, here there isn't even that. Any time either of them spoke I winced. So of course they're the two main characters.

Also, I've always hated Fred Armisen. He gives me the creeps.

And yeah the movie itself is annoyingly self-referential and none of the jokes land. "ha ha, reboots suck and Kevin Smith is a hack! ha ha!" - yeah, we get what you're trying to do but it's not clever. There are honestly no reasons you should watch this - especially if (like me) you loved stuff like Clerks and Dogma.

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Fam (2019)

1/10

Not funny, cheap acting etc

17 October 2020

This is that kind of Disney/Nickelodeon sitcom humour, but I guess aimed at people slightly older, but the outcome is the same - canned laughter every few seconds, good looking cast with minimal acting skills, real life settings with unrealistic plots and characters, etc. The way people interact in particular just makes no sense - a lot of it comes down to bad acting, but it's also due to every second line needing to be a "zinger". I know there's a market out there for this stuff or there wouldn't be so much of it, but no idea where that market is or how it lives with itself.

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Behind the Curve (2018)

5/10

With spokesmen like this...

2 March 2019

This documentary focuses more on the people who head the movement, as opposed to the ideas behind it - as entertaining as it can be, it makes no inroads into the actual truth of the matter, and as such will likely simply attract more people to either side of the debate. If you have a tendency to believe outlandish things then these people will seem charismatic and the movement "interesting". If you think conspiracy theorists are nuts, you'll see plenty of evidence to support you. If you smoke a lot of dope and just want to feel better knowing that other people have fried their brains worse than you... you get the idea.

The people are obnoxious, too. Mark Sargent and Patricia Steere are just marketing sheisters - whether they genuinely believe or not is irrelevant; they just want to become famous, sell t-shirts and wall clocks, etc. For them, it's about money, fame and exploitation of the idiocy-prone. The "brain coach" dude deserves his own chapter in the DSM-V, and they even have their own angry Alex Jones character in there as well. Basically, they're all either fakes or unhinged.

All in all it's probably a bit too long, and watching con artists ply their trade successfully is annoying, but the first half is kinda fun.

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Paradise PD (2018–2022)

2/10

Boring attempt at "off the wall" humour

2 September 2018

So this show is basically a collection of skits that family guy would've left on the cutting room floor. It's "adult" in that there's a lot of swearing and cartoon gore, but the gags are pretty clearly aimed directly at adolescent boys. The "storylines" are really only there to prop up a bunch of cutaway jokes and immature pop culture references. Best watched just after your mum tells you to get off the computer cause you've been playing fortnite for the last 6 hours.

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Dark Tourist (2018)

3/10

Good idea for a show but host is obnoxious

11 August 2018

This show has potential, but too often the focus becomes the host rather than the topic supposedly being covered. His brand of annoying is similar to that of Louis Theroux, but rather than the occasional knowing wink it's just constantly snarky. After 2 episodes it was just all overly-dramaticised "intrepidness" and I got really sick of seeing the host's judgemental hipster face. We probably don't need any more of these contributions to the "awkward westerner fish out of water doco" genre.

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