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Muscles & Mayhem: An Unauthorized Story of American Gladiators (2023)
Wasn't Expecting this to Bring Me to Tears
But in the end, it did just that. The fun, light-hearted nostalgia-filled romp through the late 80's and early 90's carries the first few episodes. I enjoyed these as much as any, but the shining star of the series for me was saved til the last.
I couldn't help but smile as names and faces of original Gladiators floodes back to memory and left me reminiscing of lazy Saturday mornings. Sure the TV only went up to channel 13 and the only other options were fishing or cartoons, but it's hard to express just how special and unique this idea was for it's day.
The doc does a great job of taking a cast of characters who were obnoxious, egotistical, and somewhat laughable on the show and captures everything great (and at times dark) about the real people behind the characters. By the end, I was tearing up by myself in the dark as gladiators shared personal struggles and victories to wrap up a surprisingly loveable series.
Dragged Across Concrete (2018)
Unwatchable
Listen to the haters. There's a reason for the hate. This is unwatchable. Don't believe me? Give it 10 minutes. Then because you have some foolish optimism that it starts to pick up, give it another 15. Then, because maybe you're hoping against hope that the people who said it was a slow burn and it gets better knew what they were talking about, give it another 20. Then just for the heck of it, sit through another 15. Then when you realize your not even halfway through yet and you'll never get that hour back of your life, silently curse yourself for not listening to that random 1-star review on IMDB.
38 at the Garden (2022)
Strong Nope
Thought I'd tune in to watch a quick interesting piece about an underdog story that captivated the nation for a few weeks back in the 2010's, culminating with the 38 point game at the Garden that led to the Lin-sanity phenomenon.
Instead, in the first ten minutes we get blasted with victim-bias and racism blaming for a below-average NBA player who wasn't given a fair chance due to being Asian.
There is no ignoring this is very cheaply done. It has YouTube quality production and a similar threshold for it's guest interviewees. Not sure who any of those people were, but having Jeremy himself on there whining about not getting fair looks for college scholarships was the icing on the cake. At that point, this 38 minute documentary became about 26 minutes too long and I was out .
Sins of Our Mother (2022)
Not A Whole Lot of New Information...
....for those who followed this story when it happened. Some interesting texts and phone call recordings that I hadn't heard, but for the most part just a regurgitation of what was in the news if you followed the case.
Per usual with Netflix, the production value is there. Presentation, timeline, interviews etc were all presented clearly.
Good quality documentary but wish it would've delved deeper into Lori and Chad's background and what drove the doomsday beliefs that made them go off the deep end. Easy to blame it on religion, but there's nut jobs in all religions as well as out. I've had 40+ years in the LDS church and I could tell in the first 15 seconds listening to Lori that she was going completely contradictory to most of the faith's main tenets. (Thou shalt not kill??)
All I saw was a self-indulgent narcissist who knew more about manipulating people to get what she wanted than anything resembling Christianity. Chad also comes off as someone who fell in love with the sound of his own voice and the power and trust he could garner by fanning fanaticism. I'm truly curious if he started to believe his own rhetoric or if he was simply a conman trying to get as much money/sex/admiration as he could before his time ran out.
The Card Counter (2021)
Warning: A Movie about Poker called 'The Card Counter'?
You know it's going to be bad when the title of the movie doesn't even address it's premise. This film spends all of 5 minutes on card counting and its application to blackjack. Then the rest of the movie is about poker.
The dialogue is realistic, which for books and movies means boring. The characters are over the top cheesy. The plot was never engaging. Characters end up together with no real explanation and the ending is likely exactly what you thought it would be. Soundtrack was equally awful.
They should show this movie in film school for how not to make a movie.
Morbius (2022)
Twilight knockoff? Robert Pattinson getting the last laugh
2022 and Robert Pattinson is in an epic jaw-dropping super hero movie and Marvel makes a crappy Twilight knockoff-- am I in the multiverse?
Seriously though, this movie was bland as vanilla pudding and offered nothing I hadn't already seen before. Halfway through the movie I was gearing myself up for another predictable super-heroey-fist-fighting-while-smashing-up-and-down-New-York-City-skyscraper kind of battle, and Morbius did not disappoint.
Biggest tell for me a movie is bad is when I find myself checking my phone to see how much longer I have to sit there. The one thing this does have going for it is the abbreviated run-time. At 1hr48min, this isn't overly drawn out so at least you've got that to look forward to.
The Guilty (2021)
Watch With Your Eyes Closed....
.... and you won't miss a thing! I slogged through this late one night on my own on the couch. Gave it the benefit of the doubt mainly due to Mr. Gyllenhaal. I was about halfway through and had a headache but wanted to finish it, so I just closed my eyes and listened. Turns out you don't need eyes to "watch" this movie! There's nothing to watch. This might as well be a book on tape.
Jake gives a good effort to carry this one to the finish line 100% on his own, but it's not enough. It reminds me a lot of that movie a few years back with Ryan Reynolds which takes place entirely in a box and all he has is a cell phone. It is a good way to make a quick, low-budget film. But I feel like they did the bare minimum to check off some boxes on a contract and then shoved it out the door. No one's getting top marks here and I think they're OK with that.
Voyagers (2021)
Definition of Average
This movie is about as average as average gets. I'm a sucker for the genre. I love the limitless potential and unique dilemmas that sci-fi and space exploration provide. I find my mind engaged and intrigued to know where the storyteller plans to send us.
Unfortunately, after a pretty decent set up, the potential for Voyagers unravels quickly into a space lord of the flies. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I was just hoping for more off an exploration of the universe and less an exploration of human nature.
The Lady and the Dale (2021)
Interesting conman scam story turns into trans movement drivel
What started out as a semi-interesting true crime piece turns into a laughable excuse of biased agenda-driven storytelling. Facts are few and far between but slanted opinions abound in this drawn out, cartoonized excuse for a documentary.
By the middle of the last episode I just wanted it to end. If this has spent more time on the actual Dale side of the story and less on the Lady, this would've been a lot better.
The King of Staten Island (2020)
Unlikeable Main Character
It's hard for me to like a movie about a down-on-his-luck protagonist when he shows little to no redeeming qualities. Instead, we get a film about someone who had a tragedy in his life and in turn makes those around him miserable.
Others have panned this movie for bad acting, but I thought the acting was fine. Pete Davidson did a really good job at portraying a selfish, washed-up stoner. But I kept waiting for him to turn things around and make something of his life through hard work and choices of his own. This never came around and it felt more like he was forced to make something of his life because of the efforts of others around him.
The Midnight Sky (2020)
Another Throw-away Netflix Movie with High Priced Actors and Zero Soul
Netflix continues to lower the bar with "The Midnight Sky", a movie where all the money clearly went to actor/director George Clooney and zero went into writing/screenplay/plot etc (you know the things that make watching movies enjoyable).
So many issues with this movie I wouldn't know where to start.
The Queen's Gambit (2020)
Hypnotizing!
Between the era-piece fashion and set perfection and an extraordinary soundtrack, the viewing of season 1 has had a hypnotizing effect on me. Rarely do I sit through a TV show and think about how soon I can add this music to all my Soundtrack playlists.
Everything from acting, dialogue, script, etc etc is well done. If you're like me you'll want to dust off the old chess board and start studying the Sicillian!
Ernie & Joe (2019)
Not Enough People Will See This
Well done documentary on the rise of mental illness within our society. Important subject matter that I can already tell not enough people are going to see. Pat on the back to Ernie and Joe and the SAPD on being at the forefront of this issue. We get an inside glimpse at the human side of the police and other public servants who have to deal with mental and emotional crisis on a day-to-day basis.
Most telling line in the film was the officer instructing police cadets that "90% of the calls you deal with will involve someone in emotional distress that just needs someone to show up and show that they give a dang".
Terminator: Dark Fate (2019)
Embarrassed I paid actual US Dollars to see this
I was bored to tears during this movie, but when it ended and I turned to my buddy he said he thought it was great. Let's face it, there are plenty of people out there who don't need a creative plot, character development, continuity, or interesting dialogue. They just want to see unstoppable metallic cyborg goo get riddled with bullets, slashed, chopped and burned for 2 straight hours.
There was zero likability of the main character. Zero investment in whether she lived or died. Zero originality of how the Terminator uses his abilities. He just "plugs in" to the net and instantly finds anything he wants. Zero creativity as to how he tries to kill his target. All he does is run at them? Over and over and over. Zero intellect into how this terminator uses his super-morph ability. He can slash through almost any object at will but when he gets his hand around Sarah Connor's neck he just throws her??
If that wasn't enough, we also have to endure this movie checking off all the boxes of the hipster political/societal agenda to make sure we can see how "woke" this movie can be. We start off with a Hispanic (check), female (check) hero who takes care of her useless brother (check) and dad. We then move to a truly tragic scene in an automobile factory where we find out machines have replaced most of the downtrodden manual laborers (check). Dang machines putting people out of work! Really? It's Economics 101.... inventing machines to do manual labor is the reason we're not all still freaking farmers. We find out this new breed of Terminator is the result of evil military leaders (check) developing military grade AI. Then we get a delightful chase scene in a cruel US border detainment facility (check) where every Border Patrol guard is mercilessly butchered (check). Then our heroes, who of course genuinely have a good reason to come into the US, have to go on a dangerous trek to make it across the border (check) and are mistaken as malicious members of the Sinaloa drug cartel (check).
Next is 45 minutes of meaningless action and narrow escapes. They randomly get on a plane for no other reason than what seems like the director wanted a big plane fight scene. And end up at a dam facility because.... It looks cool? The movie ends in typical Terminator fashion, with the least surprising plot twist in movie history. The END.
Inside the Edge: A Professional Blackjack Adventure (2019)
Surprisingly Good
Scrolled past this gem a few times before I finally settled down and watched. After reading the tagline about the "super top-secret hush hush inside circle" of blackjack, I was ready for the worst. But turns out this was actually an honest, insightful glimpse inside the "gray" area of card counting and advantage play vs the casinos.
The main characters are likable, we are shown the ups and the downs, and we don't get corny re-enactments but actual hidden camera footage. Well done "KC"!
If it did have one drawback, it does feel like this is a one-man passion project in a sense. After the first few minutes, we are only seeing a one-man quest to fight the establishment.
Vice (2018)
Fiction Moonlighting as Fact
There's a reason this came out as a feature length film and not a documentary special. No one can fact check them. No one can sue. No one can complain, because after all, this is fiction. It's through the same vehicle that brought us Braveheart and Gladiator, and probably about as accurate. The production tries its hardest to make this feel like fact, but in all reality this is just another drama.
Acting, screenplay, editing..... all the customary Hollywood stuff was really quite good though. Christian Bale was fantastic. Music was engaging. This would be rated much higher for me if it wasn't for the deceptive, agenda-driven presentation.
Action Point (2018)
This is Baaad
Yikes this was bad. Coming from someone who's enjoyed most of the Jackass movies plus Bad Grandpa-- This is not on the same level as the other movies, which wasn't a great level to begin with but at least those were a serviceable hour and half of entertainment.
The horrific acting will distract you from the opening scene and won't let up. The "plot" is a poorly executed device to do the usual stunts and daredevilry, which don't seem nearly as interesting shrouded in the midst of a feel good daddy daughter feature length film....? seriously what is this mess?
I had to check because I thought for sure this was written and directed by Johnny Knoxville himself because it felt so amateurish, but amazingly it wasn't! There was an actual professional director and writers for this pile.
Giving this a 2 for the miniscule entertainment value provided by watching this fail so miserably.
Unmasking Jihadi John: Anatomy of a Terrorist (2019)
Stomach Turning
An in depth view of the descent into madness of British terrorist Mohammed Emwazi, nicknamed 'Jihadi John'. Plenty of insightful interviews from insiders who were deeply ingrained in this story as it played out, mixed with glimpses, both real and re-enacted, of shocking terroristic violence and propaganda. The final product was a polished hour-and-a-half journey through this darker side of humanity. The narrative flowed well, and the main players and motivations were presented clearly and easy to follow. Ignoring personal bias and politics, I thought this was a really interesting, if not stomach turning, peek into the world of terrorism.
The Talwars: Behind Closed Doors (2017)
Hard to Follow
I don't know why, but this one didn't draw me in like most true crime docs. Maybe because I had just finished 'Who Killed Garret Phillips' and that one was gripping start to finish. There have been a ton of high quality true crime docs that have raised the bar on expectations. But this one was a bit of a mess. Not only in the police work surrounding the crime, but in the presentation by the doc team.
Stuber (2019)
Not funny enough to be a comdey, not suspenseful enough to be a thriller
I like Dave Bautista. I think he is a decent actor. I like Kumail Nanjiani. I think he is a decent comedian. But somewhere in this 'opposites-pair-up-to-save-the-day-buddy-comedy/action' pic, their positives don't feed into each other and instead of 1+1 =2 we get 1+1 = 1.5.... maybe? For me, it takes way too long for them to bond and form the grateful friend relationship that is obviously coming. Instead, we're left with a lot of screen time of them being just plain annoying. And not in a funny way, more in the pretentious way that makes you not want to root for them.
There are still a few laughs, and the best parts of this movie are when they let go and stop trying to make a serious crooked cop movie and just let the absurdity of the plot play out.
I Love You, Now Die: The Commonwealth v. Michelle Carter (2019)
Can Being A Terrible Person Make You Guilty of Manslaughter?
This documentary hinges on a fascinating moral/legal debate- can being a terrible, awful, manipulative "friend" make you guilty of involuntary manslaughter? What makes the case so captivating is that there really doesn't seem to be a consensus. People are split.
I followed this story closely as it was happening and still found plenty of new information in this documentary. Props to the doc team. I did not think it was biased. They presented both sides of the case effectively. In the end, I think the most astute comment was made by the writer from Esquire- the harsh guilty verdict contrasted by the notably light 18 month jail sentence accurately represents the duality of emotion vs reason we feel about this case. Our heart says send this girl to the depths of Hell while our brain says "but she didn't break the letter of the law"?
As our use of technology advances in society, our laws at times lag behind and lack the language to address complex issues. I think most people would agree one of these issues is the dangers of social media and the role it can play in an adolescent's life. The documentary does a good job of exploring the topic and allows you to come to your own conclusion.
Booksmart (2019)
Comedy is Subjective
Keep in mind people have different tastes. There are people out there who sincerely think "Jack and Jill", Adam Sandler's brutally un-funny 3.3 rated 2011 comedy, is good.
With High School party movies, which movie you prefer probably depends on what years you were in high school. I graduated in '98 and still look back fondly at "Can't Hardly Wait". A decade later gave us "SuperBad". A decade earlier and you're looking at films like "Revenge of the Nerds" or two decades earlier "Animal House". Yes, those were college-based, but let's be honest, that was a different time and there's no way they would've been allowed to show high-schoolers do those types of things!
So I sat down excited to watch this generation's high school grad party comedy. I chuckled at a few moments early on but quickly made the realization that no one else was laughing. My theater was silent. And I'll admit, very few parts made me actually laugh out loud. At times, I felt like an outsider getting a glimpse into the secret code of modern teenager humor.
So I found myself a little let down by the humor, but not enough so that I didn't enjoy the movie. I thought it was well-crafted and well-acted. 7/10.
Les frères Sisters (2018)
"Things Changed So Much", Including My Opinion
Just like Joaquin Phoenix's character, my opinion of this movie changed so much from start to finish. After the first 20 minutes, I gave up on this movie. But a couple days later I gave it another shot and made it 30 minutes, but only stopped because it was late and I was falling asleep (the pacing of this movie may have that affect!). When I finally sat down and finished the last half of this movie, I was kind of shocked how much I was enjoying this strange, rich, gritty western with seemingly no purpose.
The action, when it comes, is matter of fact, no slow-mo, 'who outdrew who' hollywood stigmas. The acting and the settings are the point of this movie. Some of the scenes in this movie made me squirm worse than any horror of recent memory.
If you like Westerns, you'll probably enjoy this movie. If you're expecting the John C Reilly of Talladega Nights, you probably won't.
Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile (2019)
Extremely Boring, Shockingly Dull and Monotonous
In a movie that will make you say, 'Oh crap, he's in this too?', Zac Efron gives the only memorable performance. Problem is, it was too much Zac. This was a movie about Ted's personal relationships sprinkled with details about missing women.
If I hadn't seen the Ted Bundy tapes first, I'd be extremely confused how a man escapes from prison twice and both times ends up back in jail. The 'Tapes' do a good job of expounding on this, where the movie skips it all and all we know is that he's back in jail.
I get the direction this film was trying to take, and it is a unique perspective on this infamous person, it's just not all that interesting of a feature length film.
The Meg (2018)
The beach scene saved this from being a 1
I have to admit I smiled at the beach scene towards the end. Other than that, this movie brought me no joy, no surprises, and no entertainment. It took me about 4 nights watching 30 minutes at a time to get through it. The premise was fine, you know what you're getting into with this type of movie. It was more the dialogue and screenplay that showed a lack of interest from those creating this movie.