Reviews

Yeah the special effects were cool, but the story was lackluster and boring. I don't know what the big deal was. The story was hokey, almost like a kid's story, for kids by a kid. When it came to the floating mountains and a bunch of savages defeating a larger and better equipped military, I found myself rooting for the military. I didn't see what all the hoopla was about. I mean the effects that made a duck talk were kinda cool, but that doesn't make Howard the Duck a frenzied must-see. I can't believe that I have to add more text to this. I have nothing more to say, the movie stank. I can't believe how the mindless sheep saw this movie multiple times like it was the second coming.

I am just getting into Criminal Minds now, but if you enjoy crime dramas that push the envelope, you'll enjoy Unsub. Criminal Minds took a lot from Unsub, the terminology, the private jet, the criminal profilers, and it worked. I think at the time, Unsub was a little too raw, sadistic killers, child murderers, etc. and I wish it would have last longer, but if you find it on DVD, its worth your time. It was a dynamic cast of varied actors, each who brought something different to the show, the married couple who were both CSIs, a primadonna profiler who could adopt their mindset as easily as putting on a pair of shoes; an ex-cop from the old school; a timid yet caring investigator who always tried to help and a determined, self-sacrificing leader.

My biggest problem with this is the high and mighty attitude that the host has. "I here for the truth!" he announces with each episode. The problem is the truth better come out in the one night they spend researching a case. I can see coming into an area and doing the research with a healthy dose of skepticism, but they basically clown around, making more fun of the locals than anything, then spending only 8 hours or so doing any actual research. They NEVER find anything, but they certainly do a lot of running around chasing the illusive whatever they are hunting that week. Then as soon as day breaks, no matter how close they were to getting some real answers, they pack up and head out. It takes them longer to get there than to investigate. Plus my biggest issue with this show and with Ghosthunters is all of the stuff that they both claim to see and hear, but by the time the cameraman points in the right direction its gone. The cameras worn by the team are a great idea, but I didn't tune in to see your damn faces! TURN THE DAMN CAMERAS AROUND! Let us see what you see, when you see it! I know what you look like, and I prefer not to see you up close!

I mean what can you say about a movie that went out and hired Joey Buttafuoco? That screams quality. Putting aside he colorful past, the man isn't even an actor. The only time you hire someone to act in something who isn't an actor would be if they were family, and that's an even scarier thought than the big blonde's drawn-on eyebrows. I am in the repossession business, not the actual hooking of the cars, I am a skip tracer, an investigator who finds the debtors and where they are hiding the vehicles. This show gives everyone in the business a bad name. I don't know of anyone in this profession that has hired these people to repossess anything. More times than not, we have to correct debtors who are worried about this company coming to repossess their property. If you want to see honest footage of a company that is a hardworking group of people watch Jam Recovery on the National Geographic channel when they air their documentary about the repossession business.

I wouldn't say this totally sucked, but if it wasn't for Netflix I wouldn't even have this in my house. Steve Martin's eccentric president of a chain of health food stores falls flat. He's just not funny. He's another in a LONG slew of SNL rejects that can only find work whoring themselves to the next SNL movie. The birthing coach with the Elmer Fudd lisp is about as funny as it is original. Amy Poehler simply goes through the same motions she would for a 7 minute SNL skit which is about as funny as SNL lately. The only thing going for this movie is that Tina Fey is easy on the eyes. The ending was predictable as soon as you heard her character couldn't get pregnant. The subject matter could have opened up to other comedic attempts, but it seems to simple simmer along, not really entertaining or creating laughs.

I can remember seeing the previews when this came out and being mildly interested because it was an unsolved true-crime. I didn't see it in the theater, and frankly I'm glad. I would have walked out.

First of all, get the DVD, if you insist on watching this. You'll need to put on the closed captioning to be able to understand some of the dialog. The actors get so mumble-mouthed and their words so caught up in the parlance of the time period that I kept expecting some cheesy 1930s gangster to jump out with a tommy-gun and yell "Rocky's really mad now, see? Yeah, yeah! Its curtains for you mugs! Yeah, Yeah!" Then, I was ready for a murder mystery. I figured we'd get a little set-up on the cops that are going to be investigating the crime and then jump right in to the murder. Well, the first twenty minutes of a true-crime drama are really a boxing movie. Its supposed to establish the two cops' relationship, but frankly, who cares? Then we have Scarlett Johansen, the wife of the one cop, a character that wasn't needed at all. Add to that Aaron Eckhart's character going from a balanced, cocky, albeit capable cop to someone who flies into a tantrum and breaks dishes because his wife put his dinner on the table, covering a black and white photo he happened to be talking to. Josh Hartnett's voice overs sound like something out of Mickey Spillane. Hillary Swank appears in another confusing and pointless subplot including a dinner scene with her family, straight out of "House of a 1000 Corpses". Frankly, I don't even know who did it, nor do I care. I threw it back in the mail for Netflix to rent out to the next sucker.

I sat through the first hour, my brow puckered, my face a scowl. I tried to figure out what I was watching. I wondered how so many actors from other big, popular, well-liked roles had gotten together and yet not one of them stopped and said "Wait! This is foolish!"

Was it supposed to be funny? Was it not? Was I supposed to become engrossed in the characters and care what happened to them? They weren't real, no one acts like that, so I couldn't get behind them. I couldn't find myself relating to them.

Suddenly, I found all the answers.

I pushed 'stop', and realized I no longer cared.