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The Holdovers (2023)
Champagne of beers 💨
This movie typifies a sweeping problem in filmmaking-telling an audience how to feel instead of showing us.
Alexander Payne has made some good movies. I adore Election. But this movie suffers from Nest of Gundarks syndrome.
We are constantly told that the 25 year-old-teenage lead is a "troublemaker" and he calls himself a "troublemaker" yet we never see any of this "trouble" for ourselves.
He pulls out an M-80 at one point and when asked where he got it says with an annoying smirk, "I don't know" which is true because the Writer/Director Payne had no idea where it came from either. It was just forced in to make it seem like this character was "cool" or a "troublemaker" or something. But we never saw anything that would indicate any of this when we met the adult boy.
And he got good grades. He got a B+ on his essay. Yet he was portrayed at times like a D student. Like Payne had two different versions in his head of how this man child was supposed to be when he wrote the script but couldn't decide on one so he made him both.
Sometimes he was written like a 12 year-old child in middle school who was going through puberty and his first kiss and got bad grades and just needed to discover that learning can be fun to unlock his potential.
Other times he was written as a 25 year-old college student trying to impress his mother through good grades and crushing under the pressure and depression of it and fearing he'd become like his fractured father.
It was like Payne would just switch between child and man whenever it suited the scene he was writing for Walleye. "In this scene, Walleye is going to teach our young lad about the wonders of the museum." "In this scene, Walleye needs a wake up call from his anti-social behavior and college student calls him out."
It just kept flipping back and forth like watching two completely different movies at once. And neither of the movies had any characters we related to or cared for because we never were allowed to spend any time getting to see who they really were. The dialogue in this was so on the nose. Everyone just said exactly how they felt and told you how you were supposed to feel about their situation.
This was a travesty and made my skin crawl from embarrassment watching these actors fumble through this awful script.
Dream Scenario (2023)
It has its moments
If you like Nic Cage you'll enjoy this. Has some classic Cage in it and a few scenes that really standout.
Thought this would be something a bit more though, as it sets the mood and tone rather well but then just kind of doesn't reach where it's pointed. Perhaps that's due to there just being so many routes that a story like this could have gone in, and choosing one route meant sacrificing choosing another one.
I like the hard cuts which make it move, but at the same it feels as if we should be moving to an important scene when we really are just progressing in steps, so that it falsely feels like it has more momentum than it really does.
Overall, it keeps you engaged enough so that if you're looking for something different to watch that's not hard to follow the plot, Dream Scenario fits the bill.
No Safe Spaces (2019)
Clip show of lies
Dennis Prager is a charlatan whose own brother thinks so. Dennis is not a doctor. His brother Ken however is.
Dr. Kenneth Prager is a pulmonologist, a professor of clinical medicine, the director of clinical ethics, and the chair of the medical ethics committee at Columbia University Medical Center.
Dennis Prager, on the other hand, is a... YouTuber.
Dr. Kenneth Prager has strong feelings about vaccinations as he is a doctor and has studied and learned and read books and gained firsthand knowledge of their effectiveness.
"Vaccines have been one of the greatest scientific achievements in the history of humankind. We have eradicated smallpox, thanks to vaccination. We have almost eradicated the scourge of polio, although there still are small pockets of it. I do not understand how anybody cannot understand the benefits to humankind of vaccinations. It requires willful ignorance."
Dennis Prager, on the other hand, thinks vaccines are "bad" as he is a... YouTuber and that's what gets him the most views-conspiracy theories.
So careful where you get your information from, cause you might just be listening to the wrong brother.
Thanksgiving (2023)
Indigestion: The Movie
Seeing Patrick Dempsey and Gina Gershon in the first 2 minutes of the movie gave me high hopes, but it all goes downhill in a hurry.
Not sure what tone the movie was going for but it plays like a parody that takes itself too serious. The teen actors are way too over-the-top. To the point it feels like a very special episode of Saved by the Bell.
I have no idea what the plot even is or why the killer is after these teens. They did nothing.
The kills are too quick too. No build up at all. It's like the movie forgot it was a horror movie. Zero suspense. And the implausibility factor is off the charts.
It's not even fun as a slasher movie. It's just a bad teen movie with bad acting that feels like it was written in the year 2000 and sat on a shelf somewhere until some old person read it and said, "I totally relate!"
Leave the World Behind (2023)
Great Thought Experiment
Seems most people are missing the point of the movie and why things do not neatly resolve. This is a thought experiment-what would you do if...
The movie is not boring by any stretch if you engage with it. I found it to be a taught examination of real people reacting to strange circumstances.
The characters aren't "characters." They do unlikable things. They don't properly react to danger. They don't do what would be best. But not in that stupid-teen-horror-flick-way where they're running up the stairs when they should be running out the door. Instead, they do what real people would do in the same circumstances-deny that anything is happening, believing that it will all just go away because it's too big a thing to fathom that their entire world could have just vanished in a blink.
Some may get more out of it than others, and some may get less, but the movie does what it sets out to do and rewards those who can play along with the premise in their own minds without the need for the "why".
And to be clear, this isn't like some weird movie that leaves you in the dark with nothing explained like the TV series Lost or something. It's not that at all. The movie explains a lot and most of that doesn't even need explaining because it's a very simple premise to understand and follow.
Overall, there's enough here to keep you in suspense and make you think about what would you do if...
Totally Killer (2023)
The 80's never looked so bland
This movie is just awful for so many reasons.
When the MC lands back in the 80's it looks just like now. No one is dressed in any cool 80's clothes at all and there is nothing to even suggest it's the 80's. Everyone just looks like a hipster. Clearly they had no budget for wardrobe, or just didn't care?
The plot is like something out of Sabrina Teenage Witch and not the reboot but the original. It feels so slapped together like it was filmed in front of a studio audience.
It's not funny at all and the MC just whines about every little thing she sees.
There is no suspense or horror or fun to be had here.
Do yourself a favor and just watch Hot Tub Time Machine and Happy Death Day and you'll get all that the filmmakers were going for but with actual fun and suspense.
The Boys (2019)
The more you watch the better it gets
After each episode in Season 1, I was like that was fine I guess I'll keep watching, but by the end of Season 3, I was hungry for more.
I'm not really into superhero movies and shows, so the only reason I check any of them out is if they promise to be different from all the standard cookie-cutter MCU movies.
The Boys promised something different, something that subverted all the tired tropes. And Season 1 delivered that. It was as advertised.
But just subverting superhero tropes is not enough to keep me engaged. Anticipating something to be different and then seeing that it is different is almost like getting just what you expected, and where is the fun in that? So like I said, I was barely hanging on through Season 1, but the season finale left off in a rather interesting place, so I figured I'd check out Season 2. And here's where things start to get good.
Season 1 spends its time subverting all the superhero tropes and giving you some good laughs and shock from them, while subtly touching on some larger issues. But then Season 2 delves deeper into the stark reality and consequences of those Season 1 issues, so that what first seems like just taking the piss out of superhero tropes, soon becomes something way more complex and layered than merely poking fun at superheroes.
Through Season 2 and 3 the underlying themes take center stage as the story shines a light on something far more terrifying and seemingly more inescapable than evil superheroes. And this is the heart of the show - the reason why it's a must watch. Not because it's a show about superheroes, but because it isn't a show about superheroes at all. It's a show about something else entirely. A very real danger that threatens all of us. A threat that hopefully will be dealt with very soon...
The Outer Limits: Vanishing Act (1996)
Corny unrealistic schmaltz
News Year night, Jon Cryer tells his wife he's going out to pick up a bottle of champagne so they can celebrate the new year, kisses her goodbye and drives off down the road where a bright light causes his car to crash in the woods. And he vanishes.
10 years later he wakes up in the same car, all rusted exactly where it crashed, wearing the same clothes and with no recollection of the past 10 years.
He makes his way home, his wife opens the door and.................immediately accuses him of running off with some girl.
Whaaaaat????
So his wife never even bothered to call the police or look for him or for his car that is still crashed into a tree right down the road from their house - just sitting there rusting for 10 years, which she probably has to drive past everyday, but she never sees it and no one else ever sees it, and he when he left that night he didn't take all his other clothes and stuff from the house - nothing to indicate anything other than he was going to do exactly why he said, but when Cryer comes home still in the same exact clothes he left in, not having age a day, and even carrying the bottle of champagne he went out for, his wife opens the door and immediately accuses him of running off with some girl.
It's laughable. And the rest of it is just as hokey.
The premise has the potential to make for a good story - all of it up to the part he comes home draws you in, but then they just didn't handle it well at all. Part of the issue is that this is only an hour long show, 45 minutes after commercials, so everything is rushed and exposition used liberally to get to his next time leap.
If they had more time to allow for plausible reactions from characters and for a deeper dive into the science fiction of what was happening to Cryer this could have been rather good, but as it stands it is severely lacking, even for the Outer Limits, which I already give a bunch of leeway too as it is, understanding that the show was made on a limited budget, but this episode is just a bridge too far.
The White Lotus (2021)
Watch 1st Episode of Season 2 - Rather Pointless
Not sure what I'm supposed to get out of this.
Starts off with a dead body like it's supposed to be a mystery, even doing the whole "One Week Earlier" thing, but then we never even get anything remotely along the lines of a mystery for the entire episode.
There is little to no humor. And I don't mean that I don't find the humor funny, I mean there isn't any. I thought with Jon Cries and Jennifer Coolidge being a couple there was sure to be some laughs. But it's like they're both doing a JC Pennies commercial for 60 minutes. And the others bring no humor either. It's just people talking about mundane boring things. And not even to the level of awkwardness that would make it funny or uncomfortable. I felt like I was sitting at an Applebees overhearing the family of four behind me.
There isn't any romance either. Or drama. It's like watching a soap opera without anything of the things that make it a soap opera.
I honestly have no idea what the appeal of this show would even be. I guess people just enjoy banality. The fact that they hear this same stuff in their normal everyday daily lives must give them some kind of affirmation that their lives aren't as boring because the same thing is on TV and HBO wouldn't put anything boring on TV. It's like circular logic.
But for me, I enjoy escaping the humdrum trappings of everyday life. It doesn't have to be wall to wall action, but it has to at least be heightened to some extent beyond just showing me some beach resort where all the same conversations about what to eat for dinner and what to watch on Netflix happen (and yes these are actual conversations in the 1st episode).
It wasn't even like being a fly on the wall either. At least in that there is some enjoyment via the voyeurism aspect. This was like being stuck at a table with people you don't know and without your cellphone, so you occasionally make chit-chat with them just because there's nothing better to do and it beats counting the tines on your fork.
So no, I won't be finding out what's up with that dead body, and I'm perfectly ok not knowing. Bon voyage White Lotus - Ciao!
El buen patrón (2021)
An Enjoyable Way to Spend 2 Hours
I liked this rather off-beat examination of the owner of a Scale manufacturer whose every effort to calm the storms in his workplace in order to secure a major award sink him deeper and deeper into the drama of his workers and into more and more nefarious means to get what he wants - putting his thumb on the scale of his world to bring balance to it.
Bardem is likable as the father figure Boss who you know right away is not all he appears as his opening morale building speech to his employees is riddled with subtle hints on how they should behave when the judges come around. He feels very much like a kindly old mafia boss advising his crew not to screw up. You can sense the veiled threat in his sugary words.
The story is light enough that it doesn't get too dark, buoyed by a wonderfully peppy score that merrily zips us along with Bardem as he meddles in problem after problem - seemingly getting one under control as another crops up - all of them reaching a crescendo that leaves us almost rooting for Bardem to surmount the mess he's gotten himself into by the end.
Bardem views himself as The Good Boss and it's his willful blindness to the fact that he is NOT a good boss where the humor comes. Seeing his schemes blow up as he attempts to manipulate his workers lives and causing himself more and more problems along the way is delightful to watch.
So if you're into that kind of wry, almost macabre humor, then The Good Boss is an enjoyable way to spend 2 hours.
Black Mirror: Beyond the Sea (2023)
Not Up To Standards
This was the longest of all the episodes and should have been the shortest.
The premise is fine, but the story just drags on and on, especially after you already guess where it's headed.
And I'm not sure I like that this is set in an alternate 1969 where they can create androids that are completely identical to fully functioning humans yet all the rest of technology is still our 1969 - cars, record players, Dick Van Dyke movies. I'm sorry, but even the most advanced NASA tech has its basis in some form available to the public. No way science just lept right from Robbie the Robot to T-1000 without any steps in between.
And as another comment said, why not just send the replicas into space and have the astronauts remote into them from home? The leaps and lack of logic in this episode seem convenient and careless when compared to previous Black Mirror season's episodes.
But all that could have been forgiven if the story was tighter. This is really the only true complaint I have. That this episode went on for so long - so long that I started thinking about all the problems in the world building.
That's not a good sign when your audience is so bored they look for flaws in your storytelling to keep themselves occupied. This should have been half the length-40 minutes tops. Then it would be a serviceable episode, but as it stands it's a chore to get through and I do not recommend wasting your time.
Bullet Train (2022)
NPC Train
Written and Directed by some people who watched Kill Bill, Snatch, and Burn After Reading comes last year's action movie of the week - Bullet Tooth Tony Train.
When quirky Brad Pitt boards a quirky Japanese train looking for Marcellus Wallace's briefcase, he unwittingly fights quirky bad guy after quirky bad guy as scores of NPC's sit idly by, too busy in their loop-lives to react to any of the nut-kicks, head-slams, gunshots, dead bodies, or over-the-top ultra-choreographed fight scenes happening right next to them - all of it leading up to a pulse-stopping climax that nobody under the age of three will ever see coming!
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)
Imagine someone setting up a joke... for 94 minutes
I base how good a movie is a lot on its rewatchability factor. Bodies x 3 has ZERO rewatchability.
There is no reason to see this movie more than once. And even the first time, the end twist is such a long slog to get to it just isn't worth it.
Movies like The Sixth Sense can be rewatched over and over even if you know the twist. They are good movies and rewatchable because they have much more going on than the twist to entertain you.
Bodies x 3 doesn't.
It's just a bunch of annoying characters annoying you for 94 minutes until the twist ending. It honestly feels like a bad joke - the longest bad joke you've ever had to endure. Like you have been cornered by the most annoying person in the world and they just keep prattling on, assuring you the punchline will be worth it. But it's not. Not even close.
There could have been and enjoyable movie made from this premise. One that satisfies throughout with the twist being the cherry on top. But this is not that movie.
There is no comedy, no horror, no thrills, no drama. Nothing to make you want to keep watching. It's just one long set-up to a joke with an unsatisfying ending.
A Most Violent Year (2014)
A Most Unmotivated Character
This movie could have been great. It's a unique topic - corruption in the NYC heating oil business in the 80's. Great location. Great time period. Great cast.
Could have been a nice gritty slow-burn drama or a mob-style crime story. But it is neither.
And the main problem is that Oscar Isaac's character has zero motivation. ZERO.
Threats come at him from all sides because of his heating oil business - threats to his family, his livelihood, his freedom - and the most we get from him as a reason for why he still wants to stay in business is... uh... hang on... I know a character asked him point blank why he was doing it. Let me try to remember what Oscar said. Oh I remember now - NOTHING AT ALL.
He gives no reason. He has no reason. He shows us no reason. He is just movie character man doing plot things because movie.
And writer/director Chandor is perfectly fine with this because he's too busy oiling the hinges on all the doors his characters use. Every single scene starts way too early. Characters come home or arrive at the office or get in the car. Door after door is opened. Lu-cy I'm home!
And the scenes all start the same way on a static wide shot of whatever dim lit room the character is entering and we hold on that shot until all the other characters have entered or walked into the scene from off camera.
The whole film has zero drive. Main character has no drive. Scenes have no drive. And many many Chekhov guns go unshot.
And I'm not talking about the lack of violence. I don't care that it's not violent. I'm talking about setting up things for the audience that have zero payoff. Promises that go unfulfilled. Questions that are never answered. And one that is so conveniently answered in what can only be described as Deus Ex Machina at the end.
Had high hopes for this one after All is Lost, which I really enjoyed how Chandor did so much with so little and kept the story engaging. But this movie was nowhere near as well-crafted, and at 2 hours plus, I suggest avoiding it.
Glass Onion (2022)
The Mystery is... What was the point?
This was all spectacle and no substance. The mystery doesn't even start for an hour. And then it's just a long rehash of the early bits as Rian Johnson tries to show you how clever he is.
The first half is just characters being edgy and monologuing about their superficial life problems. We never get to know any of them beyond their outrageous facades. And even when we finally get a character to root for at the halfway point, her tale of woe feels forced and comical, like it was cribbed from a daytime soap opera plot.
Benoit Blanc is an after thought in this, but not in the way he was in the first one. In Knives Out his aloof manner was the draw and his quirkiness helped maintained intrigue. Here it is just a rouse to attempt to keep your interest as characters ham it up and Johnson tries to justify his budget to Netflix by stretching this stinker to 2 1/2 hours.
Confess, Fletch (2022)
Root Canals are funnier than this and more exciting
I really hoped this would be like the originals. It is not. But that would have been just fine if the movie was good. It is not.
I don't even know how this is considered a comedy. It plays like a bad Lifetime movie for the first 30 minutes with no attempts at humor whatsoever.
And Hamm is like zombie on ambien. I was excited to see what he would do with the role, but he just seems bored and going through the motions. And a lot of it has to do with the terrible script that is more concerned with all the kooky side characters than it is with having us laugh as we follow Fletch around to see what mischief he gets into. Honestly an old mop could have played Fletch and it wouldn't have made any difference. That's how useless the main character was in this movie.
And they didn't even use the Fletch theme music. They barely used much music at all. And when they did it was elevator jazz. The theme music in the original was one of the things that made it fun. It was up beat and got you into the scenes. This was the exact opposite. Doctors should prescribe this soundtrack to insomniacs to get a good night rest.
The thing about how the original Fletch character was written and how Chevy Chase played him was that he drove the action. He'd get himself into pickles on purpose. That's what was fun. He'd dress up in some outrageous costume to infiltrate some place and then try to fast-talk regular people to get the information he needed. That's what made it funny.
Whereas in this version, everybody else kooky and Fletch just has to deal with them. But here's the thing, these people aren't being kooky for any reason. They're just kooky to be kooky. And all Hamm can do is just stand there and make faces at them as they're being kooky. It's pointless and terrible and not funny in the least.
This movie is a huge swing and a miss. It's not funny. It's not intriguing as a mystery. It's not suspenseful or action packed. It's not anything except bad.
Dime with a Halo (1963)
Decent enough and at times fun
One of those movies you wish would have been better. Not that it's bad, but just that there seems unrealized potential here.
Set in Tijuana in 1963, the movie does not shy away from risqué elements. Centered on a group of unwanted street children hustling for dimes from American tourists there on weekend to gamble and visit the strip clubs, the film embraces the sin of the city and uses those vices to quietly and effectively tell its morality tale. We are not hit over the head with any message, but at the end we understand one has been delivered, though maybe not the one we thought.
This is part of the film's charm, that it just shows the scenes for what they are and does not try to comment on them one way or the other. This is life in Tijuana for these boys, and their life is like anyone else's -- good days and bad. And that goes for the characters' morality as well -- good some days, bad on others.
It can get a little slow at times which is why I say it leaves you wanting a bit. The list of problems that conspire against these kids and their winning ticket could have been expanded and some delved into more to keep the pace and tension going and to avoid the lulls of melodrama.
There is humor here though, which starts from the opening scene and a current of it carries us throughout. The majority coming from the mostly stellar young cast's quips and hijjnks surrounding their situation. The film, like its characters, tries to make the best of the situation, so the humor is well placed.
All in all Dime with a Halo has many good things going for it, which is why I wished it could have worked better than it did, but despite its flaws it's a film worth checking out for those looking for something a little different from the norm.
X (2022)
Deaths are convenient and coincidental
This movie starts out promising like an old grind house horror, but then Ti West's heavy hand soon squashes any bit of nostalgic joy out of it by forcing the movie to bow to his predetermined goal of making a prequel to it.
The plot becomes a muddled mess that tosses logic out the window and not for the sake of fun or for our enjoyment, but because West was trying to do too much and looking ahead to his prequel and sequel when he should have been focusing on the movie we were watching.
In movies like Texas Chainsaw, and even Friday the 13th the killer is capable and on a blood lust. But here the killer is so incapable, that without the victims basically knocking on the killer's door half-naked and saying "hi please kill me" everyone would have lived.
And it was like the killer almost couldn't be bothered to kill. Like it was a chore. Or not even on their radar. There was no drive. No bloodlust. No nothing.
There is some gore and some cringey moments, but none of it attains any new level of shock that justifies the rest of the movie's lackluster performance.
I can't even say this was a case of style over substance as there is no great style on display here. Whereas in West's House of the Devil, a movie that I really enjoyed and where the aesthetics of it enhance the movie and elevate it, the same cannot be said here. X is no House of the Devil. The movie is shot very straightforward with some nods to 70's films thrown in here and there, but there is nothing immersive about the style or shots or anything that really makes you feel the vibe and pulls you in. It's just a movie that happens to be set in 1979.
Overall X felt like a misfire that had the potential to be good if West had worried less about prequels and sequels for some future audience, and worried more about pleasing the current one.
My Best Friend's Exorcism (2022)
Neither scary nor funny
This movie is a slog that unfortunately never goes anywhere with its premise. And no idea what it has an R rating as it comes off very PG-13.
Most of it is a rehash of old tropes played as the tropes they are. None are subverted or mocked. And since this is listed as a comedy, I at least expected that much.
No idea why this is set in the 1980's since that plays no part in the story, and all the actors basically talk and act like it's 2022.
I was excited to see Elsie Fisher as I adored her in Eighth Grade, and she does an admirable job given the material, but even she couldn't save this one.